During the pandemic, many essential workers have made the difficult decision to spend time apart from their families. Separation poses many challenges for spouses or partners, especially those who must take on additional responsibilities for children whose lives have already been upended by the pandemic.

As Covid-19 cases spiked in New York this March, Nadine A. Chang, Ph.D., a Clinical Psychologist at Gracie Square Hospital, made the decision to live separately from her husband and three children, ages four, six and nine. Dr. Chang was working with patients who had tested positive for Covid-19, and she and her husband felt the risk of potentially bringing coronavirus home was too great.

“I tried to figure out if I could visit on the weekends,” says Dr. Chang. “But when I tested positive for Covid in April, I knew we had made the right decision. Being apart is difficult for everyone, and it is very important to maintain the lines of communication and honestly share age-appropriate information with children.”

Dr. Chang, who did not see her family for most of April, now spends weekends with them. She offers the following advice for families going through similar situations.

Try to maintain a normal routine:

It helps children to see an absent parent every day. The family set up an iPad at the kitchen table so Dr. Chang could chat with the children at breakfast the way she does when the family is at home. She also facetimes them before they go to bed. Keeping a normal, consistent routine lets kids know their mother is still around.

Keep connected:

Everyone misses their old lives when they are away from home for an extended period. Once Dr. Chang was able to see her family on the weekends, she brought her children toys and books to help them stay connected to home.

Isolation and loneliness worsen anxiety and depression for both adults and children. Reach out to others who may be stressed or lonely and encourage children to call or write to friends and family.

Do not catastrophize:

Be mindful about how you speak about Covid and the pandemic in front of children, and think about how they might react if you decide to watch the news in front of them.

Give children age-appropriate information:

Even very young children can understand that coronavirus makes people sick. Explain that because we cannot always tell who is sick, it is important wear a mask and wash your hands carefully to avoid catching germs. Provide brief, simple information that balances Covid facts with reassurance that adults are there to help keep them healthy and to take care of them if they do get sick

“When I tested positive, my six-year old son was very anxious and became afraid to go outside at all,” says Dr. Chang. “Thankfully, I looked and felt fine, so I was able to reassure him that I was okay. I emphasized that Covid is most dangerous for people who are older or already sick. My children also did not understand why I had to work with Covid patients. I explained that my patients need someone to take care of them because their families are not allowed to visit. My four year old still asks every week if there is still coronavirus in New York City.”

She suggests encouraging children to verbalize their thoughts and feelings. Help children in upper elementary and early middle school separate reality from rumor and fantasy, and discuss what community leaders are doing to prevent germs from spreading. Monitor the information they are receiving.

For children in upper middle and high school, discuss issues in greater depth, with honest, accurate, and factual information. Engage them in decision-making about family plans, scheduling, and helping with chores at home.

Children can become anxious:

Don’t be surprised if children regress, have difficulty listening, have meltdowns, become clingy or want to spend the night in your bed. The time away from school can take its toll, especially on younger children. Without interactions with adults who are not their parents and the social cues of peers, children’s relationships with authority figures and one another can suffer.

Carve out time for your spouse or partner:

It can be hard to find time to speak when both parents are balancing the demands of work and children during the pandemic. However, it is important to carve out time to speak in order to keep your relationship healthy. Make appointments to speak during the workday when kids are occupied and it is possible to find privacy, or connect after children go to bed.

Expect emotions to run high:

Being separated from friends and loved ones takes an emotional toll on everyone. Health care workers who are doing important jobs may still feel guilty about the time they spend away from family. It is important to recognize those emotions and forgive yourself.

Managing stress in a stressful situation:

Staying healthy boosts immunity. Try to get enough sleep, eat a healthy diet and exercise, spend time outdoors, and push yourself to do things you enjoy. Mindfulness exercises can help counteract worry. Some helpful apps include Headspace; Insight Timer; Calm; and Breathe2Relax.

Get help if you need it:

When faced with mounting uncertainty, your brain can go into an anxiety spiral that is not helpful. Typical reactions to stress include anxiety, tension, difficulty concentrating, insomnia, irritability and fatigue. Get help if you are constantly worrying, feeling overwhelmed or hopeless, or unable to finish daily activities. To find a therapist, contact your insurance provider or ask your physician for a referral. If you are feeling completely hopeless, overwhelmed or having thoughts of suicide, call 911 or go to the emergency room.

About Gracie Square Hospital:

Gracie Square Hospital has provided advanced, patient-centered inpatient behavioral health services since 1959. The hospital offers a multidisciplinary approach to care for patients with psychiatric disorders who can benefit from inpatient hospitalization to help patients return to the community and live healthy, productive lives. Its diagnostic and treatment programs are provided by skilled, licensed and certified behavioral healthcare professionals.